This is my gift to you

I have a lot of catching up to do. I thought about creating this blog when you were still inside me, all cozy in my womb. I thought...I think it might interest you one day to read about what was going on in my mind at various stages as we bring you up. Then when you were born, I felt everyday was a learning experience. No matter how prepared we were for your arrival, there was still so much to learn. There was never any dearth of advice or information...that's one thing I learnt after I became pregnant and more after you were born. Women everywhere irrespective of color, ethnicity, religion or any other distinction, once they become a mom share an awesome feeling of camaraderie. The sisterhood never lets you down, they never want you to flounder in the troubled waters they overcame, be it the struggles of breast feeding, the tricks of longer naps, the art of starting solids....you name it. I found most of these tidbits of info useful. Even though some of it never applied to you, it was nevertheless comforting to know that others have experienced similar troubles and more importantly they had overcome or a better word is circumvented it.

 I want to record these information somewhere in the hope that it might help me again sometime if we are lucky enough to create another wonder like you :) Even more, I hope you will find this useful one day, when you become a mother yourself. So with those lofty ideas I will set about writing this blog. I will try my best to capture some of the best times of my life as you go about teaching me how to be a mom, my love.

P.S: in the days when you were safely tucked inside me, when the t.v was not just a showpiece in the house, we used to watch this serial called "raising hope". It's about a family bringing up this baby called Hope. When I asked Sathiq to suggest a name for the blog, this is the first thing he suggested. And I felt it quite apt too

Your birth and mine as well

Today you are turning 9 months old! I can't believe how fast time has gone by. How much you have grown in these last 9 months. I look at you sleeping beside me right now and my heart brims over with so many many emotions....

 9 months ago, on Dec 29th, 2011, you came into this world crying at the top of your voice. The events leading upto your birth were very dramatic. We had checked in to the hospital in the wee hours of the morning hoping to have a easy delivery. But you were the impatient little darling that still are. Within a few hours of being admitted i was rushed to the OR for an emergency c section. I held on with bated breath and a trembling heart for the reassurance of your cry on the operating table. I remember the tears flowing down my cheeks when the doctor told me i have a beautiful baby girl. I promptly passed out. When I opened my eyes, your dad told me that they had to take you to the neonatal ICU for evaluation. I asked him how you looked and he said you looked perfect :)

The next few hours were very hazy. Whenever I was able to talk, I would your grandmom or Dad whether they had been to see you. I desperately wanted to see you but they could not move me because of post surgery complications. Finally Sathiq took some pictures of you on his cellphone and brought them to me. You looked so Cute with your spiky hair and dainty feautures. That spiky hair really surprised me! You looked (and still look) so much like your dad. I longed to hold you in my arms my baby, but I had to wait till the next day before they let Sathiq wheel me in to the NICU. You were fast asleep when I saw you for the first time. Looking so peaceful amidst the alarms and monitors hooked to you. The first time I held you, you snuggled close to my chest and I felt so happy and proud. It was so painful to leave you there but I kept telling myself that it was the best thing for you. You had to spend one more day in the NICU before they finally let you join me in my room. The first thing everyone commented on was how much you resembled your dad! To this day you look like a miniature Sathiq.

I was beyond happy but I was a little confused and dazed as to what to do and how to take care of you. You were already so independent and a pro at guzzling down milk from a bottle. We had to try all sorts of tricks to get you to nurse. The nurses told me that if I kept trying to nurse you, you would eventually learn. And now it seems like thats all you do :) Through this all, I waited for my maternal instinct to kick in. I was beyond happy but I felt there was something missing that i couldnt put my finger on. Then the first night you spend withme, you were sleeping in your bassinet next to my bed and your grandmom was sleeping in the visitor's bed. A nurse came in to check on you sometime in the middle of the night. She changed your diaper, swaddled you and placed you next to me instead of in the bassinet. I immediately put my hand around you and drew you close to my body. That's the moment when i felt my maternal instinct kick in with a flourish! I knew that I had to hold you close to me and take care of you and you are all mine. Thats the moment when the mother in me was born.

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